The Mobile Phone
| Driver type: | Teeny-boppers, women |
| Mentality: | Self-obsessed |
| Speed: | 60mph |
| Vehicle: | Anything |
| I-spy guide: | Inside lane, erratic weaving in amongst the HGVs |
"Yeah but no but yeah but no but did you see Ricky's shoes oh my god how embarrassing I've got to text Sharon I so fancy him I do blah blah blah blah."
The following does not apply to hands-free users, nor does it apply to
the poncy-but-safe I-must-wear-my-bluetooth-all-the-bloody-time
mobile phone users.
I'm on about the idiots who think that they can't be seen illegally using the phone if they slow down and hide in the inside lane. For pete's sake - it's more obvious, apart from the HGVs and beardy caravanners, who else needs to be in the inside lane travelling at 60mph?¹
Your driving is more erratic than your parents dancing at a wedding disco, so stick the mobile phone where the sun doesn't shine, and get back to hogging the middle lane.
Pls stp drivng lke dis b4 itz 2 L8. If only U cUd Drv as wll as U cuD shortn txt messgs n lve out vowls.
Let us also remember the slightly-less-but-still-infuriating drivers that think for some insane reason that if they get a call it's OK to pull over on the hard shoulder to answer the phone. It is not. In fact the Highways Agency and Traffic Police are focusing on these drivers to educate them that they should not be dangerously blocking the hard shoulder to sell some shares or check on the latest mortgage rates. The hard shoulder is for emergencies only.
A short footnote aimed at hands-free clip-over-the-ear-thing bluetooth users: Do you really need to use that bloody blue flashing ear device once you've left your car? Is it just me or do these people really think that it's a fashion icon? Give me strength.
¹ For the hard of thinking: This is a joke.
