Xenon lights

"Here we have these 8-billion watt bulbs, so let's put them on this 4x4 and let's put them at shoulder height. Oh, and make sure they're pointing level so the customer can see small children a hundred miles away."

In the words of the infamous Gizmo: Bright light! Bright light!

Perhaps this is a rant at car manufacturers rather than the people inside the car? You decide.

Indeed. How I love travelling late at night on the motorway and getting that all too familiar spec of piercing white-blue light in the distance. At this point I feel there are just two options. Either put my foot down so the light disappears, or don the SEALEY welding goggles I keep in the glove box especially for these emergencies.

As the light draws closer, it gets brighter. A mere 2 miles away it starts to fry my retinas, slowly cooking my eyes from the inside out. Each mirror on my car seems to focus the light, I'm getting a tan. I feel like a fly being fried in the sun by an annoying brat with a magnifying glass.

Dimming my rear view mirror makes little difference. My only defence is to reposition it and reflect the light somewhere else, then to awkwardly shuffle into the middle of the car so the wing mirrors no longer reflect the light.

I know if I stay in the seat then as the guilty vehicle passes, the light will change between 18 different colours in one mirror and not the other, consequently disorienting my brain so I sit in a helpless trance and let the vehicle go by unmolested.

And what about the aftermarket HID kits now becoming ever more popular? HID lights require a particular beam pattern and this isn't suited to older car headlights, resulting in a retrofit situation that in some headlights is beyond belief. Great - you've got a nice blue light, but it's illuminating another city, maybe they can see it in the Isle of Man? Handy.

4x4 designers - point the xenons down. Idiots.

"Gizmo Bright light" how motorways work t-shirt now available! visit the merchandise section

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try the highway code, it's a cracking read: "Rule 238: You should drive in the left-hand lane if the road ahead is clear. Return to the left-hand lane once you have overtaken all the vehicles or if you are delaying traffic behind you". Perhaps we should brand it with hot irons on the foreheads of the ignorant? This website is copyright dave burton 2011, graphic design by Donna Street 2011.