Repmobile
| Driver type: | Rep, Permatan types |
| Mentality: | Late for a meeting |
| Speed: | 120mph |
| Vehicle: | 318i, Mondeo, Vectra, 75, mk4 Golf |
| I-spy guide: | Blouse hanging up in the back |
"Get out of my way I'm a rep don't you know, out of my way, out of my way! Curse you inferior vehicles, get out of my way! I'm 2nd in rank on the motorway to the queen don't you know! Out of my way you minions! I'm important!"
Sticking fearlessly to the outer 3 inches of the tarmac like shit to a blanket, the rep relentlessly nails the loud pedal to the cheap nylon carpet using his freshly polished fake Gucci shoes. He flashes those foolish enough to block the way and nudges the ones that don't obey. The interior of the repmobile is packed with the scent of Old Spice and Persil, glowing white shirts swing from the cheap plastic hooks in the rear of the car. Top Gun is playing at 120db on the state of the art 3 speaker system. An enormous bluetooth earpiece with its high-tech electric blue flashing light is burning into the side of the "just-got-out-of-bed" gelled hair. The repmobile is the undisputed king of the motorway!
Of course the repmobile driver can afford to hang his Persil white shirts in the back of his underpowered motorway cruiser, he doesn't need to use the rear view mirror. Ever.
The indicators are superfluous too. As are the brake lights and speedo (not the swimming trunk variety).
In fact, the only thing the repmobile driver requires from a car are a horn, headlights that flash, hooks in the back of the car, and no more than 104bhp.
What more can be said?
Note¹: Well, as it seems, there are a lot more "debatable" opinions to be had by the
motorway population in the UK. It concerns the BMW driver as a notorious repmobile
offender and generally obnoxious driver. A few years ago I would have agreed with this,
and they are mentioned as a popular repmobile above, but I think it is a bit harsh to
group an entire car manufacturer into one band of driver.
Note²: I'm an avid dub fan, and it pains me to see these mk4 Golfs being abused as repmobiles. But it's fact.
Perhaps the mk5 Golf GTi is too good a car for a rep? Here's hoping.
Look at my shirts! Swinging in my car.... You are feeling veeeeery sleepy...