For more detailed discussion, polls, stories, feedback, and pretty much
anything, feel free to use the new
section of the site, I'm trying to encourage people to be more
interactive with their thoughts and suggestions.
If you like this site feel free to leave a message through the about page. None of the comments below have been edited in any way. Please note the guestbook has been spammed so much it is now offline, but I will add comments through email.
Name: Eric Sullivan
Two of my pet hates are: People joining the motorway in the acceleration lane who don't. If you happen to get stuck behind two of these cretins blocking both lanes of the sliproad to do a steady 45mph,joining the motorway can be very dangerous indeed. People who indicate and then change lanes immediately forcing you to brake. They seem to think " I've indicated so I now have right of way" why can't they dab *their* brakes and let you pass first? Arseholes...
Excellent site - cracking read. Let's not forget the mongs in 4x4s who tailgate you in the outside lane, xenons blazing at the mere onset of dusk. My offence: daring to overtake at a speed below three figures, a pair of lorries holding hands.
Name: Arthur Sutherland
You've gotta say something about those cretins, who have just gotta get past you at all costs, including your life or theirs, then cut in in front of you cutting down your stopping distance drastically. so that if you have to stop suddenly you rear end them and in law that's your fault, well in my view it's their fault.
Name: Arthur Sutherland
I think you need to include the herding instinct, which is not quite the same as sheep. It's those get away from it all bank holidaymakers heading for the coast and got to be first to dive into the sewage filled bollock freezing sea. Or they have already been forewarned of a major blockage on their chosen route but insist on adding to it because they can't contemplate driving more slowly on the A or B country roads which would keep them moving around the blockage. No these morons would rather sit nose to tail for miles inhaling each others exhaust fumes and listening to interminable cries of "are we nearly there yet from junior morons" whilst crawling to the seaside and arriving just when everyone else is getting ready to go home.
Name: Matt Robinson
Cruiser – well with you on the cruise control annoyance. Check out my first post (it's a long way down on here) and you'll see this is a bugbear you have to put up with. Of course, this is now the cue for some bloody left-wing ranter to accuse me of being a bourgeouis fascist for daring to drive a car equipped with cruise control. My pre-emptive statement to counter this? Bugger off, I don't care what you think!
Name: Paul F
Excellent site, very amusing! Cheers!
Like me do you guys out there that use cruise control get annoyed with the people (sheep?) who cannot regulate their speed? I gradually catch them up, a bit quicker up hill than down hill but when I draw alongside (they are obviously hogging the middle lane, often forcing me into the outside lane) they just match my speed, forcing me to increase my speed to get past, I then allow the car to slow slightly back to original cruise speed and they either drive up my @rse or overtake me and then pull in front and slow again, thus the cycle starts again. Thus I finally increase my cruising speed to rid myself of the annoyance. Result - by the end of a 100mile journey I am doing 20mph more than when I started !!
Name: Jimmy B
After many 1000's of miles of motorway driving i have to totaly agree with you, but can you find out who is fitting jet engines to those merc sprinters ? Thats the only thing that consistently over takes me whatever speed im doing!
Name: SKODA BOY
FANTASTIC WEBSITE KEEP IT UP!!! CHEERS
Big Alf: I drive an Audi, and no, I'm not a "complete twatbag". If the lane to my left is clear, then I shall use it. Unless of course I'm going to have to pull out again within the next 8 seconds... I have a Bluetooth hands free kit fitted to the car (no, not one of those poncy in the ear things, it's all integrated), and if the traffic's really heavy I'll just turn it off. If someone really needs to get hold of me then they can leave me a voicemail and I'll call them back. I'm not going to try and have an in-depth conversation when I'm trying to avoid every type of twat on the road described in these pages and then some! Xenons - they're fine when fitted to a normal size car, just REMEMBER TO DIP THE BLOODY THINGS when needed! Another one, not motorway, but just as annoying, the "I'm going to drive at 40mph on this NSL road in the dark, and I'm not going to turn my full beams on, so you're not going to be able to see to overtake me." My response to these, nose out and have a look, if it's clear then pull out, hit the full beams so I can see right down the road, then overtake. Then there's the guy that's doing 60mph on an NSL single carriageway road according to his speedo, which is over-reading by about 10mph. And when you try to overtake him he puts his foot down. I drive a 2003 A4 1.9 TDI Quattro, so this doesn't normally cause me a problem. And worst of all there's the guy that's sat behind a slow-poke with no intention of overtaking, leaving about a car length between him and the guy in front. As a result, you have to overtake both cars as one long vehicle. Or worse, there *is* enough room for you to overtake in two, but when you go to overtake the rear car he'll close the gap up to stop you pulling in front of him. I have a friend who does this, and he actually thinks that it's big and clever... But back to motorways, the most annoying (purely because they're the commonest) is the Middle Lane Moron. Indeed, aforementioned friend above is also one of these.
Name: TVR driver
I can think of a few more 'species' of motorway moron. We have predominantly 2-lane moroways (sic) and dunce-carriageways in Cambridgeshire, which breed their own particular problems: 1. The cut-acrosser. Joins the moroway and cuts straight over to the BMW lane in one straight line, especially when behind a vehicle also joining at about 50mph. Especially if you are passing at 80, forcing heavy braking. Drives anything with SRi on the back. 2. Lost the will to live. This is seen usually on the way out to Suffolk, one car overtaking the other loses interest and they carry on for miles blocking both lanes at about 68 mph. 3. The up-the-insider. On 2-lane moroways when you get line of sheep queueing in the BMW lane to pass a lorry 2 miles away, the up-the-insider will pass the sheep up the inside then push in just before the slow vehicle. A variation on this is the up-the-inside flasher. If I come across a line of sheep I'll sit in the left hand lane just behind the rear bumper of the last car. On a few occasions I have been flashed by an up-the-insider wanting to make me move into lane 2 so he can pass me and the sheep and cut in at the end. On one occasion I heard a noise on my left and someone was actually trying to overtake me on the hard shoulder! Luckily the TVR's torque kept him there until the next junction.... Great site!
Wow ! All I expected to get was a load of abusive replies from indignant smokers, what a refreshing surprise :-)
Name: Matt Robinson
Livid (and latterly Pete) - I'm with you on the smoking thing, it makes me furious whenever some idiots (it's not all smokers in cars) cob one of their cancer sticks out in front of my car! STOP IT!!! >:-( And following on from Slash909's post, while I think we would all agree that we don't want learner drivers on the motorway, is there no way we can make it compulsory for new drivers to undergo a motorway training course? Can someone explain to me why you're allowed to go on the biggest, fastest and busiest roads of our network without having had a scrap of training? That would help matters. I would have happily done it had it been compulsory when I passed my test. Anyone who has posted a negative comment about this site - you're clearly one of these twats causing all the problems on the motorway, so just eff off. And that's me being rational as well, so don't bother coming back with what you perceive to be a smart alec remark. This applies especially to the person who posted about cancer and world poverty; if your driving is as appalling as your spelling, punctuation and grammar, I don't want to be anywhere within a 200 mile radius of you when you're on the roads.
Very interesting and humourous site. We have ALL of what has been mentioned here in the US - and in the worst kind of way in the Mid-Atlantic and Northeast US.
Mistake re White vans - the only ones that do 85 are those that can't do more ! Generally, speed = pedal to metal :))
Nice site - worryingly true! Very funny, this comments page even more so ;) CLOC, or the Centre Lane Owners Club as my dad always calls them, have been with us for years. I reckon it's people who lack the confidence to actually change lanes (!) so why the hell should they be allowed onto a motorway in the first place? Time for a Motorway driving test?? I alway recall Spike Milligan's contribution to road saftey. He suggested a 6inch nail sticking out of the middle of every steering wheel. That will focus the driver on the job! He had a point. Very few drivers realise the potential danger they are in; Chelsea tractor owners particularly. You should try driving my Dax Rush on the M4. That was scary, being below the top of their tyres!! (If you don't know a Rush is a Lotus 7 like very low sports car. Mine has no windshield either:))
Just a quick reply to Livid, about smoking in cars. I'm a smoker, and smoke in my car and I have to say I can't disagree with you on that one. Never thought of it like that.
Thanks for a great site. I live in Germany but just spent a month back in the UK and I realise now how bad UK motorway drivers are. German Autobahns are not utopian but some of the rules here make a lot of sense. 1. Go as fast as you want, if you have an accident at over 130KPH your insurance company might not pay out. Teaches you to be more cautious at speed. 2. No trucks in the middle lane during busy times. 3. No trucks at all on Sundays. 4. Mandatory speed limits (with speed cameras) at busy times & dangerous locations. No advisory limits at all. 5. Warnings about problems ahead that are accurate, rarely do I find that a warning about a 'stau' (slow or stationary traffic ahead) is there for no reason. The UK motorway signs are not often of any practical use cause the problem they were indicating was from last week. 6. Tailgating cameras, drive too close and you run the risk of a large fine or a ban. 7. One offence for speeding or tailgating can get you a month’s ban, do it again & it’s a longer ban. One thing that I noticed that your site doesn't mention is the people that think there is a force field at 50MPH signs. Instead of pulling into the (empty) inside lane when approaching roadwork’s or reducing speed gradually when the sign says 50MPH in 1/4 mile, will wait until the sign before stamping on the brake. These same twits (vowel changed) are the ones who stamp on the brake when they see a speed camera even though they are under the limit already (the 10 cars in front didn't get flashed why do they think their Rover 45 will).
Leave your Soap Box and get yourself a life MUPPET.
Airing your views may be fun for you, but your site is a waste of time and money along with computing power.
Please FEEL FREE to publish this.
LEAVE your house and get a life outside.
some points of view are spot on but every one is aware you are stating the obvious.
"OOOO LOOK it's raining outside I will put it on my WEB Page" DERRRRRR !!!!!!
Edit by Dave - Cheers Arfey, waste of who's time? My time? Why? I've aired my views on how I feel about motorway drivers and found that there are lots of people out there who agree with me. I also enjoy learning new HTML nerd stuff. I've provided entertainment to thousands of UK driving enthusiasts who love the site. Waste of who's money? Mine? No. Sniffhost offer a 15 quid a year hosting deal which I run other sites from, and the domain was 4 quid. I've made ten times that amount through various advertising. Well worth the money! Computing power? What?! Haha. I'm glad you think the views are spot on though. It's a rant site through and through - there are thousands on the internet. I struggle to agree with your views on a waste of time, I'm very sorry but how can it be a waste of time? I think that you just don't like my rant site because you've heard enough moaning for a lifetime. We brits love a moan! I thought I'd be a bit light hearted tho? If you said "stop moaning" I'd have seen your point. Buy a Gizmo t-shirt and wear it with pride.
Name: Neil E
What a fantastic web site! You have put into one site all the things that annoy the hell out of me. Middle laners, fog lights, mobile phones etc etc. Superb and gave me a great laugh and some satisfaction that there is someone else who gets as annoyed by these idiots as I do. One thing you have missed though and that's people who don't indicate and those who do when it's not necessary. Maybe another section?
Name: Iain R
Brilliant site! At last we have a voice... A mate sent me a link to the Xenon page, which is spot on, but I was inevitably drawn to the foglights - the bane of modern driving. I was surprised you didn't single out 206 drivers, as I don't think I've ever seen a 206 without its fogs on - in fact it's so common I wonder if it's a design fault? Oh, and either you've misspelled "reckless" on the "red light" page or it's a very subtle pun ;-)
Name: Paul Dillingham
Excellent section on Fog Lights. However, I think you should differentiate between front and rear and better still, people who's cars have one rear fog light and people who have two... Could you perhaps explain that the simple removal of the near side bulb would render the world a safer place and perhaps prevent someone else slamming into their back end if they do have to do an emergency stop in the fog...
Name: Ryan M
Finally, someone who has recognised the stupidity of todays driving! Driving a few quite high powered cars myself (mr2 and a 5.2litre v8 morris minor) I normally ride around in a relatively relaxed manner, afterall don't want to be dead or crush my car to the size of a small tin of snuff. My pet hate in particular are lorrys overtaking each other, a point that has been stated on this lovely site. In general the whole site is spot on, todays driving is shockingly bad! Although I do believe you need another category simply stated as Women in Mini coopers (the new design raping variety). They seem to have no idea as to what any of the controls are and wildly thrash around inside the cockpit like a manic spastic on acid, flouting multiple laws and endangering themselves and other people in single lane 5 car overtaking manauvers (sp). Good day to you sir. Ryan "3 cars" M
And what about these asshole rubber neckers !! gormless pratts of humanity !!
Name: Mark Davey
Great site can't wait to see the white van section, previously being a van driver myself I get to finaly find out what I was doing. Although geeky i have been considering attaching a warboard to my car to point out things like another lane to other drivers but i think displaying this sites url may be a better option.
Name: Alan Johnson
HGV's are not allowed on the road in Germany on Sunday. Why can't we extend that to here so I don't spend my one day a week off work sitting behind 40 tonnes of derv fume spewing truck?
What a great site! 98% of all motorway drivers REALLY BOIL MY PISS, so a bit of interweb revenge is justly deserving. Well done on the humour too. I will shortly be invoicing you for a new keyboard. This one appears to have coffee sprayed all over it.
Can people who use the M6 toll please read the overhead signs at the Toll Booths and choosr the right lane to pay, and remember YOU can't put paper money in the Baskets - DOH
Great site Dave - certainly gave me a few laughs. You sum up the various types of motorway moron so well. Sheep and middle laners make my blood boil in particular!
Name: LOUISE LEAK
I HAVE JUST READ YOUR INFO ON WEB SITE, TODAY FOG LIGHTS ARE A FASHION STATEMENT, EVERYONE USES THEM WHEN DEFINATELY NOT NEEDED, I AM FED UP WITH GETTING DAZZELED AT NIGHT WITH THESE MAD DRIVERS WHO THINK THE CAR LOOKS MUCH BETTER WITH ALL LIGHTS BLAZING, SOME DON'T EVEN DIP THE HEADLIGHTS... I LIVE IN IRELAND... SURELY ITS NOT AS BAD BACK HOME IS IT, PLEASE TELL ME IT ISN'T... I HAVE JUST SENT AN E-MAIL TO THE LATE LATE SHOW, ASKING IF PAT KENNY WOULD DO A DISCUSSION ON HOW AND WHEN TO USE LIGHTS... BECAUSE PEOPLE JUST DON'T SEEM TO KNOW ANYMORE, AND WHY ARE THEY NOT GETTING STOPPED BY THE POLICE...
Top quality stuff - an amusing and insightful guide into the idiocy on UK roads... Perhaps you could also include a section on the BMW 3-series driver?
Great work Dave... Mr Blues, this isnt difficult i drive like this most of the time, it becomes second nature, ok we can all drive like idiots too, just a thought, maybe its just me
Great work Dave... Mr Blues, this isnt difficult i drive like this most of the time, it becomes second nature, ok we can all drive like idiots too, just a thought, maybe its just me
Stevie NPOC if you sat on my bumber for miles you`d have no front end left m8.. a tad irresponsible methinks
Name: Jake Blues
Here's a new year challenge for you all. Spend the week driving as courteously as you can ie do absolutely nothing to cause another driver to modify their speed, direction or lane. This would include moving out of the way to faster cars, not assuming you have the right to pull onto a motorway or making other cars move over if you want to overtake. All things that advanced drivers are supposed to do. When driving you should never do anyhting that causes another driver to modify their speed or direction as I said....so try it for a week and see how much concentration and awarenes you need! Good luck!
Name: Texas hold em dealer rule
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Interesting site. Why don't we allow undertaking - it seems to be creeping in by default on the busier bits of four-lane motorways anyway. I found driving in the USA was made much more pleasant by this custom. You could also have graded lanes, e.g. 35-50, 50-60, 60-75 for instance. By the way, I hope that Andrew the Chauffeur saw the TV programme where a most attractive lady drove round the Nurnburgring considerably faster than Jeremy Clarkson. It might be interesting for him to compare the insurance premiums charged on a man and a woman with same car, age, and postcode. Final thought - giving trams an absolute right-of-way is a great way of adding fun to motoring. If you don't believe me travel into Amsterdam on the last tram at night, by which time all the traffic lights will have gone to 'flashing orange' and the one thing the driver wants is to get back to the depot and clock off. If you choose the right route you cross about three motorway-like ring roads flat out - the car drivers don't argue - not with a 30-tonne 3-car articulated vehicle doing about 50mph!
Name: Dean H
David, This site is fantastic! So true it's unreal. There's no way to justify sitting in a que with your brake's on. Even in a automatic, I drive both on regular occasions and theres a fantastic invention called Neutral(or even Park) and Handbrake. Keep up the good work and if i ever meet you i'll be sure to buy you a pint (on the condition your not driving)
GREAT SITE!!! What about the zombified morons who are always fixated on what's directly infront of them? They dont feel the need to check mirrors. Gripping the steering wheel like it's gonna run away if they let go... these are always the morons who WONT move over to let you merge onto the motorway! Grrr gets my rattle everytime!! Keep up the good work!! (sites lookin great)
what a fan-tabulous website!!
Name: Jake Blues
Drove from Nuneaton to my folks in Bexhill (177 miles) on Xmas eve and then home again on the 28th. Return journey took exactly one hour longer than going. Why? Lorries. Get them in the inside lane and make them stay there!! (With all the other dunderheads who sit in the middle and outside lanes in cars that are obviously incapable of going over 70 mph. And ban cars with children in them too....do you know that as many accidents are caused by cars with children in them screamin/pukin/fightin etc than cars driven by drunk drivers? PS Mini's rock (that's real ones not fake BMWs)
Ever though of doing car window stickers? would be good to see a few when on the motorway, will make it easier to spot the considerate / enlightened drivers!
Well done mate, well done. It's about time someone took a stand about the poor standard of driving on our roads. I must admit, I used to be a fog lighter - when I first got a car with them, however having been blinded by similar people I now keep them off unless conditions require it. You have entertained me and my colleagues on a very quiet day at work (christmas break and all that). I will come back and buy a t-shirt, probably the gizmo bright light one!
Name: Stevie NPOC
Great site, gave me a good laugh!! Cure for middle laners, sit on their bumper for miles if necessary and only overtake when they eventually pull in. Flash them if you have to. Hopefully they feel stupid when they do pull in!! I've done it stacks of times, I never go past a middle laner, always pull up behind them and stay there till they move :-)
Theres things like world hunger and homelessness and cancer and you're worried about people who drive with fogs on...i take it you havent discovered the opposite sex yet...get a life mate...and do something useful with it.
Edit by Dave - I just had to comment on this one, how incredibly noble of someone to point out world hunger and cancer. I hadn't realised there was any. How do you suggest I cure cancer? Should I spend my every waking hour researching and donating my spare money to charities? Oh, you've made me feel guilty, you really have. Ruined my Christmas. There are a minority of people who haven't figured out this website is a hobby. I enjoy creating websites and learning new XML and HTML coding and layout for various reasons. It'll help my career and I love the positive responses this site has acheived. Plus I've made some money from it too. Driving is a passion of mine, and motorway drivers are often inconsiderate and thoughtless. I despise people who think that they shouldn't be alert and continually thinking whilst driving. So why not create something people might enjoy? Get off your high horse and you might perhaps be able to work out why this site was created. And turn your fog lights off. (Oh, I'm living with my fantastic girlfriend thanks very much, you short sighted dim wit).
Name: Dave Clarke
what about the cretins who pull out in front of caravans and trucks and then crawl up to 35 and stay there causing everyone behind to only see said caravan/truck and abuse them roundly until thay are in front
With the addition of a new type of motorway we have a new type of middle laner...this is the "MidTOLL Laner", they have paid their ï¿½3.50 so they WILL drive in the middle lane, even though there is no other car in sight. If you really want assholes in action, come to the midlands pay ï¿½3.50 and see a new breed of idiot, and the fastest "redlighters" anywhere in the country....guaranteed!
Good site. I do think that smokers deserve their own category though. Here are a few starting points: 1. If eating while driving is illegal then how come having something ON FIRE in your hand is ok ? 2. Smokers flick their cigarette butts out of car windows this is : a) Illegal - what part of your moronic brain thinks that it is not littering ?! b) Dangerous - in the Summer it sets fire to stuff on the verges, if it hits someone (e.g. a motorcyclist) it could be very nasty. 3. It's your own stinking filthy habit - you deal with it! Use the ashtray in your car - I don't care if you think it makes your car stink, I've got news for you - your car already reeks of stale fags ! (or do you think that opening the window 2 inches helps?!) I could go on....
Is it me or do all (well maybe most) BMW M3 drivers think they own the fast lane? They are the original red light AS*****. I think for them a move into any of the inside lanes would be such a humilation they would have to top themselves. Rant completed.
Excellent site and comments. But one wonders just how many of your supporters are themselves guilty of the very crimes which they condemn! Keep up the good work. Remember fog lights are for use in, err, FOG!
What a brilliant, coherently-written piece of observation. You are spot on in every section. Keep it up! :D
Name: David Williams
You have left out what I think is perhaps the worst behaviour of all on motorways. That is the tendancy of people joining the motorway to get to the end of the slip road at 40mph and just indicate and pull into lane one scattering the oncoming traffic into the remaining lanes. When approaching a junction slip road these same morons jump into lane two in anticipation of one of their fellow poor drivers coming down the slip road and doing the same to them. The slip road is there to adjust your speed to that of the lane one traffic so you can merge safely. There are very few vehicles that cannot manage this. It would seem there are many drivers who cannot. David PS seems like we have one on here already - Mr LardyL. It is up to you to join safley. Infact the highway code says you should STOP AT THE END OF THE SLIP ROAD IF YOU CANNOT JOIN THE MOTORWAY SAFELY. Of course it is an act of courtesy to move over if you wish BUT it should NOT be required in most circumstances.
Name: Al Williams
This site was posted on the Triumph Dolomite club website. I am one hundred percent behind you, but not with my fog lights on!!! This should be posted everywhere and maybe included in the highway code. Congratulations from another ordinary road user whose blood boils at the un-educated.
Great site, you've really summed up the modern day motorway!
Name: dvae bloom
Superb site! Well done on such a well written dig at the brain-dead bottom feeders out there! I look forward to future updates to this excellent work. Perhaps a forum could be next on the adgenda? Keep it up my friend. Dave
Excellent site. One category youve forgotten... People for whom it is too much effort to remember to dip their lights coming the other way. Yes its the motorway, but that doesnt mean that the central reservation has barriers to absorb your excessive light pollution you cretins. Also the dickheads who seem to think that on an empty motorway, its not ok for you to spoil their veiw by overtaking them and their snail like 68mph, and resort to trying to melt your rear numberplate with their main beams. Yes, cos thats REALLY helping road safety. You know who you are you rotting relic hatchback driving hilters.
Great site and message I've just one thing to add to the foglight comments. Why, oh why, do these people decide that its cool to drive with sidelights and foglights? Perhaps they are afraid that they will wear the dipped bulbs out and anyway its the only way that the sidelights will get used. It could also indicate just how far down the road they are looking. Ah, foglights and red lights, a perfect combination.
Name: Big Alf
Is it just me or is every single Audi driver a complete twatbag?
Name: Andrew the Chauffeur
Dave! Absoutely SPOT ON the entire way. It reassures me in the 100,000 annual miles I cover that its not just me who suffers at the hands of the EXACT SAME cretins which you categorise and ridicule in such an intelligent way. I do however have some questions: 1) Are the bi-Xenon lamps on my Mercedes E & S class models actually blue, or is it the reflection of the MIDDLE-LANE MICRA DRIVER in front's blue rinse hairdo when i flash the headlamps to get them the hell out of my way? 2) Why when it is a requirement for all cars to have a rear view mirror, is it NOT USED by almost ALL women? However they become very au fait with its presence when they want to apply make-up at rush hour on the A40 Western Avenue heading toward town - I hope youre reading this you ignorant oik in a RENAULT CLIO which I saw doing this recently and as a result knocked a motorcyclist off his BRAND NEW KAWASAKI ZX10R - but then i doubt if she is reading it, because she has NO interest in motoring whatsoever, otherwise would be paying attention to the driving, rather than phoning SHARON/TRACEY/TINA and applying cheap lipstick from CLAIRES ACCESSORIES to compliment her chav ARGOS jewelery. grrrrrr. 3) Why cant we have some sort of vigilante group who snipes the middle lane brigade? Then it would get these pointless people with their purposeless lives and cr*p little hatchbacks off our roads and we would have motorway utopia with sports cars, fast luxury sedans, and Range Rovers. No more ghastly japanese hatchabacks whose owners have been a member of SAGA for 30 years and were attracted to the car because of its 5 year warranty. FOR GODS SAKE TAKE UP KNITTING INSTEAD !!! 4) Note to WESTON SUPER MARE town council: Please can you provide some sort of helicopter to airlift the over 70s to the bingo hall? That way HERLUIN WAY will not be littered with hearing-aid-beige nissans dawdling and weaving about as George & Mildred battle with the steering wheel on their weekly 0.5 mile jaunt. then can you send us a huge crucible so we can melt down all the offending vehicles & get them off the road for good. Also - please include buses in the scourges of the roads. ALL buses should be decommissioned and sunk to the bottom of the sea. Ken Livingston stick your public transport where Dave tells people to stick their mobile phone. Thank you for restoring my sanity.
Excellent slant on poor motoring...may I add one more that's about good manners and safety I suppose: the so-and-sos who see you indicate to come out of a slip road with a decent gap and no-one in any other lane and *still* refuse to move over - on the phone or interfering with themselves no doubt....check your mirror, signal and move over PLEASE!
34 year old Scottish truck driver/ Golf GTI driver. Very very good website. Nice design, excellent message. Pretty much wholeheartedly agree with all of your opinions. Anybody that doesn't clearly fits one of the categories.
Your lack of understanding about systems and multi-agent systems is astounding sir. I applaud your willful ignorance and lack of understanding with regards to systems which involves more persons than just yourself.
Name: Dave (webmaster)
Fair enough Courier, glad that you dish out the point to the middle laners! I guess you're not the one 1/2 a mile at the back of the queue then? Good to see all the +ve comments guys - thank you!
Guy Collier, what do you do when you are doing 80mph on the motorway and you come to a line of cars in the middle lane doing 78mph. Do you feel forced to move into the fast lane and piss off eveyone there who is happy doing 95mph or do you move over to the left so that the bloke behind you takes your place? I prefer to think for myself rather than shouting middle lane moron at the person in front. BTW when I come across a real middle lane moron I undertake him with my horn at full blast then move into the middle lane and slow down. Seems to get the message across.
Name: Chris Eyre
This site is excellent. Captures a whole host of problems existent on our roads, with a fantastic humourous slant to make it well worth reading the lot in one go. Get this into the newspapers asap - the middle laner issue needs highlighting on the road agenda more than ever (and they need exposing as poorly endowed fools) - the sooner, the better.
left-foot brakers those people who belive that the red brake light is not a built-in fact of braking in response to slowing traffic, but instead should be used as a communication mechanism to me: as in, "blink-blink-blink have-you-noticed-the traffic 500metres ahead have slowed slightly." As if I wasn't looking way down the motorway ahead of their Xsara Picasso to find out what was really going on ? how about trusting me to look where i'm going - worry about your own concentration and driving instead. Or perhaps pull over if its all a bit much that the traffic is a little heavier than you are used to.
Have to agree with everything from middle nlane morons, to the mobile phone retards. Also the fog light f**kers. Just wish the Police would clamp down on them. They all deserve to crash and burn mwhahaha.
Name: Guy Collier
A big thank-you to courier for proving that some people do actually think they're doing the right thing by sitting in the middle lane because a car 1/2 a mile ahead might need overtaking at some point. Mental.
Courier, if you're not overtaking then you shouldn't be in the middle lane. Just because a car is way ahead in the inside lane that you will eventually pass doesn't mean you have to sit at the end of the queue in the middle lane. Stay in the inside lane then pull out to go past the car ahead once you get to it, so faster traffic than you can go past in two lanes rather than one? If someone is in the middle lane at the time you want to overtake then they should move to the outer lane. It's not rocket science. And it's written in the highway code that when you're not overtaking you should use the inside lane. So people should go back to the inner lane even if they will eventually come out again. They're probably going back to the inside lane to make a point to all the middle lane "queuers"......
Don't confuse middle lane morons with people who are in the middle lane, behind a queue, who are overtaking a car which may be some way ahead. If I am in this situation I will not pull over to let the person (you!?) behind me just take my place, or would you suggest everybody moves over and lets you to the front of the queue? Only slightly less irritating than the mlm's are the lane changers who go from the fast lane to the slow lane and back again when nobody is trying to overtake them, changing lanes unnecessarily causes accidents -pillocks!
Name: Range Rover Man
Very good! More rant than humour though! What, no reference to the real kings of the road? Range Rover drivers of course. The fact that they are driving something that, when new, was the most expensive, most luxurious, fastest, heaviest and most versatile vehicle ever built.. This imbues the driver with an almost God-given feeling of superiority and invincibility exceeding that even of Volvo drivers. In our part of the world the County Council will not build us a Motorway proper but we do have triple carriageways with added side roads, a real safety feature! The only successful way to navigate these, particularly at night, is as fast as possible, to spend the least amount of time exposed to risk, with the batteries of after-market Xenons and Halogens set to "kill" so as to try to spot the beet-harvester emerging from a field gateway into both slow and middle lanes. The 4x4 facility is very handy when you have to use the verges or centre reservation to avoid scrubbing off any expensive velocity avoiding such obstructions. The 4 litre V8 provides sufficient power to enable one to really cut up middle laners on the inside and then pull back out in front of them and dab the mighty powered disc brakes such that one's tow hook taps them on the windshield. Road-rage reprisals can be avoided by simply accellerating away into the distance. All achieved in perfect air conditioned silence. Chill!
Name: Matt Robinson
Could not agree more about the sheep. I used to think middle-laners were the worst of the lot, but this new inability to regaulate speed annoys the crap out of me. I cannot stand the fact that I am capable of doing a steady 78mph (I apply a bit more throttle on the hills, I back off on the down gradients) and I can change lanes safely, but there's ALWAYS one bloody car doing between 65mph and 80 in the middle lane. So, you overtake them at 78 in the fast lane while they're doing 70, pull into the middle lane, check again and indicate into the inside lane. Have a look in your mirror, and lo and behold the cockend is now doing 78.8mph and sitting on your rear 3/4. There's an HGV doing 55.99mph ahead, you accelerate, the sheep accelerates, you get boxed in and have to brake and drop in behind them in the middle lane. You try to resume to 78mph but now the sheep is suddenly scared and has dropped back to 68. You go to overtake them again, there's a downhill and suddenly they're doing 83 when you're halfway past them... OH FOR GOD'S SAKE! PICK A BLOODY SPEED AND EFFING WELL STICK TO IT!! FOR THE LOVE OF EVERYTHING THAT IS HOLY! >:( This problem of people incapable of maintaining a steady speed is exacerbated if you have the bare-faced cheek to be using cruise control, of course. Set your cruise at a nice 75mph and I guarantee you that you'll be turning it off, resetting it at a lower velocity, speeding up on the stalk, accelerating and braking like you're in a demolition derby and generally just getting effed off with it all - there's no WAY cruise control is a relaxing item to use. Absolutely infuriating; the sheep'll be first up against the wall when the revolution comes, I can tell you...
KevinF: I understand people 'riding the brake lights' in a traffic queue - these are special types of cars called 'automatics'. What I can't abide is people using their rear fog lights in the rain (for full marks this should be done at dusk)! "Oh look it's started raining, that makes driving harder. Let's really ramp it up and switch these rear dazzling fogs on so my brake lights get obliterated and the guy behind gets a headache." As we're having a rant... what is it with the guys with windscreen washers that wash their screens and the screen of any car following them up to 200 yards behind? On a recent motorway trip with a car-trailer I measured the time it took a couple of trucks to overtake on the M5 - one overtake took 11 miles, but the worst offender took 19 miles (during that time the overtaking truck actually started slipping back on a couple of shallow inclines!).
Name: Paul Michaels
Oh ho, how true. Even the most loco moments on a busy Texas Interstate (and they are LOCO, believe me) do not seem as frightening as driving on a Motorway. The difference is that the idiocy seems so personal in Britain. It's hard to explain, but you really do feel that some of the drivers are out to get you in Blighty. Maybe it's just me? But I suspect not. Drive in the inside lane. Same speed, quadruple braking distance!
very cool site, i hate middle laners too, (tho i usually dont have enough bhp to get past without annoying those in the rep mobile / bmw lane so i just undertake), and especially those idiots you sail up to within inches of your bumper, flashing their headlights - its like 'hello!!' see that car <--- im overtaking!! hadnt heard of this class thing to do with the left hand lane before, heres something the 'fast lane' lovers dont know, in a queue the inside lane is nearly always quicker!
Name: Guy Collier
Absolutely fantastic. Spot-on and how can I vote for you as Transport Minister.
With regards to branding rule 238 into the foreheads of offenders... Handy when they check their gel clad hair in the morning but the memory fades and let's face it... They're never going to use the mirrors in the car so they never see it. Brand it on the backs of their hands instead. That way they'll see it on at least the one hand on the wheel whilst picking their nose, giving the finger or using the mobile with the other! Ace site!
Nice site - you need window stickers we can put in the back window (your logo above would work well). I am afraid I do have xenon lights, but used that little dial to point them down at the floor so as not to blind people.
I have a suggestion for a category that has not been included. The category is those who cause the phenomena known as 'rubber-necking'. If there is an accident, or breakdown of any sort on a motorway which does not block a single lane of traffic (being contained on the hard shoulder). All lanes of traffic on both sides of the motorway proceed to slow down to 50 mph and weave about erractically as the occupants stretch their necks to catch a glimpse lasting a few seconds. I recently experienced this phenomena when I had my oil pressure gauge explode on me on the M6 leaving a nice black streak as my car spilled its guts. I was one the hard shoulder for about 40 minutes with a friend who bodged it very well so I could complete my journey. I have no idea how big the tailback was on my side of the motorway but I swear I went past 10 mile markers before the other side of the motorway cleared up.. Why do they do it?
i pull a caravan, and would kindly ask the middle laners and those who can't find the acclerater to please move out od OUR way, we are going on holiday y'know and would like to get there before we are due back to work! hahahaha
Name: niel williams
more middle lane action please. neon lights in the rear of car "use the inside lane Tosser" type of thing
I love people who ride their brake lights in a queue. Especially if they're driving a car with high-level brake lights and it's dark. You can get home, close your eyes and STILL see the warm red glow. Thank you. Thank you.
You forget the "inside lane maniacs". These are the ones who, upon seeing someone (anyone) start to pass them, immediately speed up. The very second you (finally) pass them, they slow back down to the speed they were doing in the first place. (Almost as stupid as the middle laners).
I found a link to your site from the mini owner's club I'm a mamber of, and when using motorways twice a day, can whole heartedly agree with almost everything you've written. The Xenon page is fabulously accurate - in my car, a 1980 Mini, I sit roughly on an eye-level with the wheelarch of a Range Rover, so even the Xenons of a Clio (usually supported in their already huge lux output by the young lad's foglights) are a pain. They're wonderful if you're the one driving the car fitted with them, but a genuine hazard to everyone else. Also, with the modifications I have carried out, the brakes on my car are far superior to most modern saloons, yet I've never seen the need to sporadically drop anchor at 70mph to demonstarte this point. Thanks fgor a real laugh, and making me realise I'm not alone. Keep up the good work, Richard
I stumbled across your website during my many hours of work based internet searching, it's more fun when you're being paid to do it. Anyway, I commute quite a lot due to my job and I would just like to say you have managed to catch almost all types of road users out there, brilliant descriptions and some great comments. I'm definetly going to be purchasing a 'bright light, bright light' T-shirt. During my many many miles on the motorway I do come across a vast array of automobile ass clowns, I've recently discovered a smaller, less well known type I like to call the 'randy driver'. Said driver likes nothing more than to hover about 10 foot off your bumper, be it at 50mph or 120mph, they proceed to follow you no matter what lane you adopt. As soon as you let off the gas WITHOUT touching the brakes thus slowing your car WITHOUT giving them a nice bright warning light to say 'slow down' they almost hump the back of your car, they get so close that to a point you can sometimes no longer see their bonnet or bumper, but just their dashboard and knuckles, which are by now bright white as they're gripping the steering wheel so tightly and stabbing the brake pedal to the floor! Brilliance, pure brilliance. Cheers for the smiles Sii
wonderfull site, please please please dont ever stop adding to it. perhaps you could even do an artical on country lanes? all the best
Name: Jack Black
funny because its so true. in-car stickers are a must. I think you should add the (illegaly) de-restricted HGV's to the HGV page, the ones that sit up your backside when your doing 80 in the left hand lane on a quiet night... keep up the good work, and public information!- a fellow dubber.
Thanks for the great laugh! Sad thing is, it's no better here in the states. The "queues" section (or lines as we call them :D) is especially resonant over here. Most of your sections are fairly relevant to both sides of the pond. To be quite honest, the only place I've seen sane driving is Canada. They all seemed very polite and courteous. In addition, the agressive fashion of driving that I had acquired in the States was suddenly of no use to me in Canada. I felt like this raging bull who had just come through the running of the bulls in Spain, only to find himself in a tranquil field of posies and butterflies, with no outlet for the rage I had left over. Great work so far, look forward to seeing more when it's available!
Name: Terry Cartwright
Over the years I thought it was me who was being paranoid about the dick head who clog up our middle lanes...you sste says it all, if i could be MAD MAX for a day it would be woth living to shunt these jerks of the road. You woul think the police would get on top of it, but they seem to be surblind to the fact's what's going on?? Every credit to you for running this site i support you 1000% I'll keep looking in every now and then
Thank you so much for finally pointing out what every enraged motorway motorist has hated for years! Wouldn't motorway driving be so much easier without these people. However, they're most likely here to stay so at least we know the warning signs now! Of course, there's another group of people who aren't mentioned on this site - The Bossy Indicators. The "I'm Indicating To Force My Way Out Of My Lane Into Yours So You Must Give Way" crew. Instead of indicating to ask for a gap, they indicate to tell you that they're making a gap or you lose your front wing. Simple choice...
Hi great site, Gets lots of points over in a rather tongue and cheek way. Good design and very fast loading. I have put a link to your site on my own, www.gregcrawford.co.uk Well done, keep it up
Great site, one thing that gets my goat is the drivers that don't realise what slip road is there for. To accelerate up to a suitable speed to join the motorway smoothly, it is not a Junction where you stop at the end & wait for someone to let you in!!! As for the Xenon lights, don't get me started.
You must do something about overtaking. Like when you are on a motorway, it's quiet, there's not much traffic, you're in the nearside, nothing in sight in front or behind. A car hoves into view in the rear view mirror, eventually overtakes - and pulls in two car lengths in front of you! And then slows down! It's even worse if the road is wet, because then they cover your windscreen with spray!
Absolutely brilliant........ Sadley very very true....
Great site. What about the idiots that don't understand that traffic joining the motorway from a sliproad would really appreciate the left hand lane of the motorway moving in to the middle if possible. When you are joining a motorway and realise you have a 'left side blinkered' driver alongside you, you have 2 choices: - nail the loud pedal and join the motorway at approx light speed (danger of rear ending the car in front of the blinkered one OR - slow down and crawl on to the motorway prompting the usual flashing from (rightly) angered traffic wondering why you just pulled on to the motorway with the pace of a steam cart. The really scary thing is, the people I write about seem so oblivious, they will never know what they are doing.
Very funny and very true! Fantastic website!
Name: Richard Murtha
Pretty darned accurate - great site! This time of year I'm reminded of the need for another page - for those for whom the fact that you can switch "off" rear fog lights is a mystery, and have no idea what the funny orange light on the dash means.... Keep up the good work
Name: Min from Mallorca
Drive for a week or two on Mallorca and your UK motorway experiences will take on the impression of an intelligent, considerate nation of drivers whose only desire is to make other road user's lives just a little better as they wend their weary way along the tarmac highways. It is a fact that no-one here lives beyond the age of 23. They are all insane behind a steering wheel.
Matrix signs get my goat, you have a sign saying 40 mph that has been on for the last 3 years, the road is clear, yet idiots will still slow the whole motorway down. The majority of matrix sign are advisory only and im sure they are only mandatory if the lights are flashing side to side. grrr dont people read the damn highway code anymore oh BTW great site
Name: kevin parish
terrific site. While it's all disturbingly true I loved the playstation page. Only thing that worries me is that on the xenon's page the ads seem to be trying to sell me some. lol! How about selling a big illuminated sign that says "read howmotorwayswork.co.uk you cretin" to mount in the back of our cars
Good idea if the Highway Code bit at the bottom of the pages was a bit bigger/larger font
I drive in the left hand lane because I'm left handed and I don't like being in the outside lane with all those right handers!
Crikey guvnor someone who talks sense!
Name: James C
Fantastic site! You have voiced what millions are thinking! I like your merchandise idea, but how about car stickers? Got to be the best way to spread the word!
Dave, Are you me in disguise? Have you been listening to my endless ranting in the pub (and everywhere else) for the last 10 years? It's as if I've seen what would happen if I wasn't so lazy and actually spent my time creating things instead of just complaining. Good work. I will continue to pray for the day when police will start pulling people over for driving in the middle lane and generally being cocks on the road.
Name: Dave (webmaster)
Thanks to the chap who told me that THIS SITE WAS ON KISS 100! I'm almost famous!
Love it, well done! You missed a category though: The amateur racing driver, not quite a playstationer, not quite a rep, you know the one, the evo that flies up behind you, lights flashing, the gti conducting experiments into oversteer on the sliproad, the vr6 adorning a bridge after a failed experiment...
Name: Ian C
How about a T-shirt with..Notice:Indicaters fitted as standard Great site and all true observations.
Spot on! I have an especial hatred of modern cars and their poxy headlights blinding me, and as for morons and foglights front and rear ... Perhaps a T-shirt with Rule 238 emblazoned on it - hell, an entire fashion house named Rule 238! Bumper sticker too!
This site give me bare jokes, I can't wait to read what you have to say about Front Foggies people :D I might be one of them Bluetooth people and occasionally a Playstationer :D Remember the Playstationers are safe so long as you stay where you are. keep you car at the same speed and dont attempt to change lane unless instructed to do so by the playstationer. :p
Name: Dave F
Brilliant site! Particularly like the middle lane bit and the red lighters. I've always wanted to paint "Stick to the left you retards" on those bridges over the motorways - never got around to it yet!
Nice one. Just about got everyone in there. Though you forgot a special section for BMW drivers. Those that don't indicate. Bad drivers should be shot at distance and litter the motorways like so many pheasants at christmas.
Name: Riyas Ali
how true!! its about time we had a big posters like this on the motorways.
Its funny - because its all true....! Believe your missing a section though.. the BMW driver.. or my favorite quote: "get out of the outside lane - it is NOT the BMW lane"
Name: Nigel Canning
Yes, yes, yes!! Just what I've been thinking! Doesn't help that I am a man of a certain age and have lived in Germany where they understand these things! T_Shirt......now!
Name: Dan H
Great site. I should have done something like this years ago, I share all your sentiments regarding the state of our motorways! Driver education? What's that?!
Cracking site!!! Well Done!
Totally with you on the middle laners, and it's about time it was said. I can't count the number of times I've said: 'What on earth is this monkey doing in the middle lane?' 5 stars. :)
Name: david bates
Middle laners interesting. You do not mention the "middle lane phobia" drivers. They beleive and judge everyone else to be a "middle laner". They will not realise someone is in the middle lane to go past a slow vehicle. They cut across the "middle laner" to the inside lane and then get stuck behind the vehicle the "middle laner" was overtaking. Used to be called "weaver birds". "Middle lane phobia" drivers also tend to expect anyone in the middle lane to cut up the car on the inside lane. Having overtaken a car from the middle lane, it is safer to give some space before moving across. This means the inside lane driver does not have to take any corrective action. "Middle Lane Phoboerics" will judge that you have been in the middle lane far too long and cut across the supposed "middle laner" causing them to adjust their speed. Yes, there are "middle laners" but there are far more "middle lane phoberics" drivers and they are far more unsafe.
Name: Pete Barfield
Excellent. It should be mandatory reading for the entire population. You just need a site about idiots that don't know which lane to be in on roundabouts now :)
Name: Badger fruit
Totally brilliant site !! 100 out of 10 .. lets just hope it makes some people MOVE THE F**K OVER WHEN IM FLYING OVER THE M62 NEXT!!
Name: Simon Springett
Middle Laners!!!!!!!! Driving from Colchester to Portsmouth along a four section stretch of the M25. Left-hand, and second lane clear of traffic, fourth lane full of numpties in "fast cars" refusing to pull over and the donkey sat in the third lane doing 60mph and the torrent of abuse i received when i undertook him! I am currently developing hidden machine guns behind the headlights to rid the motorways of this scum, anyone interested?
Fantastic, Humourous but yet, so true. Top Man. I'll back you all the way. I drove down to Southend last weekend from Bedfordshire, I was found a large gap in front of someone in the left lane after overtaking a HGV, indicated & started to move over when the car behind the gap decided to try & pull out into the rear of my car! Nuf Said.
Name: Dave (webmaster)
Good point, glad you like the other pages though :)
Great site though I have to speak out against banning HGV's from the middle lane in busy periods. Having driven an HGV abroad it's awful being stuck in a queue of 20 or more lorries all because of a crane or very slow moving vehicle for 40 miles at a time. Especially when time is so limited-tachographs. Middle lane page is superb, another idea would be the 'little old dear' page!
Name: Jordi Domï¿½nech
This is a great website, though it is probably great because a hell of a lot of people do what you explain in these pages, not only in Britain but also in Spain and Catalonia... It's refreshing to see that I'm not alone in thinking hell of each and every "specimen" you've described!
Name: Joe Day
I now live in Vancouver, BC, Canada and the drivers are much, much worse. It's legal to undertake because of their inability to deal basic rules or common sense. If you want to hear a lot more, and my word there is a lot more, contact me.
Covering around 500 miles of motorway a week, I have to say your site is dangerously accurate! Awesome stuff though! :-)
Very entertaining! Middle Laners has to be the best page :)